Yeh right, but sometimes that is true.
DOING NOTHING, no mischief or mayhem or whatver and then KABOOM!
It happened just the other day again.
There I was in Mid-town, sitting alone on a park bench, minding my OOOOOWN business, feeding the elephants...
and smoking a funny cigarette, when...
Then the other day I went into my garage, and WTF. Somebody stole my brand new Porsche, and replaced it with a 2002 Taurus...with dented fenders, half a grill, and no rear bumper. FUCK. Even the tail lights were half missing (SUPER SHIT, that's good for at least one traffic ticket if I am lucky).
Oh God no. NOT a traffic stop. What if I get asked to open the trunk, or move the blanket in the back seat, or...
"Drive slowly and carefully, and do NOT run into that squad car," I keep telling myself, as I weave and bob through traffic like a drunken ballerina at the office party. (Funny office, we have).
I went back inside fuming, and that is when I noticed that instead of my beautiful full-length mirror, someone had stolen it and replaced with an old cracked one.
THEN, as I stood looking in it, I suddenly realized...
WTF. I'm NOT young and a hunk and a real hottie?
Gorgeous from head to toe and SPLENDIDLY dressed?
I'm old and gray and stoop-shouldered, and dressed in shabby clothes, and.....NO TEETH?
Then I woke up.
But I soon realized this was not a dream. Everything. My worst fears have been realized. OH MY GOD...but wait, did I really wake up or maybe I am still dreaming or....
DAMN those were good mushrooms. They DID taste a bit weird though. I wonder if Joey has been spraying them with bug spray again. Kind of an odd...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
#Y##(Y(#%
I SWEAR,
the minute my back is turned...
some asshole puts a live grenade in my jockey ( or so the horse told me) shorts, and KABOOM. Roasted nuts on an open FAHRE, GOD DAHMMIT TEW HELLLLL...
NEXT:
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