sitting quietly alone washing my nuts and humming God Bless America while SIMULTANEOUSLY mind you playing the zither AND the mouth organ (lovely mouth btw), and
Some asshole threw a bucket of bleach into my unmentionables (sorry, can't) and they turned whiter than an albino cockroach at a food crumbs convention...
Some dipstick stuck his dip into my cheese whiz and my cracker crumbled.
Some old fart did and the plants died and I GOT BLAMED. Fuck, I can make things die and DON'T EVEN NEED to fart. Take Valentine's day out at the home as an example...so embarrassing.
AND
SPEAK of bare assing...
Mine was the other day, lovely day for it too...yes, even in the produce section at Wal-Mart when...
Some mean old shrew bitched to the manager and CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, he threw her out...blew me a kiss, and...
THANKS UNCLE FRED. You oughts to see the places HE drops HIS drawers...and the shit that falls out. LITERALLY.
SO, there I was, in the third seat from the rear in the back of Mrs. Higgins kindergarten class when...
SOB...
Sorry, I just cannot bear to relive that horr...
ANYWAY, Mrs Higgins has a thing for the 22yo gym teacher, Mr Omg. and the other day, HAH, serves her right, The principal, Mr Stiffshorts, caught her in the broom closet with a broom up...well, you get the idea. HOLDING A PIC of Mr Omg and BANG.
She was so startled she let a boomer boom and he got it right in the face. Later he said it was rather tasty. PERVERT.
YES, I GOT BLAMED FOR THAT TOO. TAIN'T FAIR, or fare, or flair or pfui.
There I was headed downtown to get my hair and nails (not to mention a few screws tightened) done, and possibly my...when...
OMG.
It was awful, 42 cars, an organ grinder and a hot dog stand...but they said it was my fault, but I was merely watching. They didn't buy it, I swear that Doberman looking on tattled. Sigh. Ok, so I was watching FROM atop the pile, BUT...t'wasn't mah faulty.
The minute my back is turned, shit hits the proverbial air mover. Like the time...oh, was that a time.
NEXT:
'
No comments:
Post a Comment